STAGES of LIFE

I have always known, but at times forgot, the beauty you can see when you are cognizant of Him, who created it all.

Went to mass this morning and it felt different.  I felt very comfortable and at home.  I haven't felt that way there in awhile.  As I take baby steps in my journey, I believe my spirit is truly being nurtured and loved by God.  In a weird way, I think others around me can sense it.  They may not know what is different about me but they seem to notice something.  Today, a woman at church, that has been a lifelong friend of our family came up to me and gave me a big hug.  With tears in her eyes, she said that I had really touched her heart today and she hoped I was ok. Hmmm...encouragement that I am taking steps in the right direction.  A blessing!

So, after church decided to put water on the yard, sit in the shade and just enjoy being for a bit.  Then I noticed that a couple of butterflies were playing in the water, which brought a smile to my face.  You see, I kind of have a history of the butterfly theme in my life.

Butterflies are very interesting insects that are beautiful colors and fun to watch.  I remember chasing many of them with a net as a kid.  I would capture the beauty and observe it in a jar before releasing it back to it's natural habitat.  They were quite a challenge to catch!

At the age of nine or so I joined 4-H.  I particpated in method demonstrations that year with a fellow 4-Her.  Method demonstrations are a public speaking project (which quite frankly horrified me, initially) and can be on any topic within certain areas.  Anyway, ours was about butterflies.  We dressed as butterflies and actually made our entrance emerging from a cocoon, which was actually pretty cool. 

What I learned in that process is that butterflies have 4 stages of life.  They begin as an egg.  When it hatches, a tiny larva (stage 2), called a caterpillar emerges and begins to feed.  The 3rd stage is called pupa.  Once full grown, the caterpillar molts into a chrysalis.  This stage has often been referred to as the "resting stage".  It is actually a time of intense developmental activity.  Then stage 4.  While a chrysalis, the caterpillar is converted to a butterfly.

My grandmother, loved butterflies.  We affectionately called her Bow-Bow.  She wore big butterfly pins on her scarf or blouse, often times.  She was very artistic and often drew pictures of them. She loved when we would catch them and bring them to show her.

When Matthew was born, his adoptive mother made me a stained glass butterfly.  She gave it to me as a gift with a letter saying that I was so strong, brave and beautiful.  The butterfly was a symbol of life.  Life that I had given Matthew and the potential of life I had to live. 

My grandmother died in March 2004.  The family was gathered at the family farm and it was warm outside.  A butterfly kept coming around different people at different times.  I joked that it was Bow-Bow spreading her love around us.

 Shortly after that, a butterfly flew into my parents house (which used to be my grandparents).  It rested on a flower arrangement my mother had on the table.  It stayed there for over 3 weeks.  I think in a way, it brought my mother comfort.  It made her think of her mom and she felt oddly close to her. 

Later that year, my granddad, PaPa was living with us and next door my aunt had moved in with my parents.  They both required some medical care and we brought them home to live out their last months.  When things looked very grave for them, I went to the cemetary and sat next to Bow-Bow's grave to pray.  It was a very warm October day.  I bowed my head and prayed that she would make a place ready for Mary Lou and Pa-Pa as I felt the time was near.  It's weird how sometimes our prayers change for people.  Sometimes rather than praying for physical healing our prayer becomes for spiritual healing and that the last stage of their lives is peaceful and painfree.  I felt a strong presence of Bow-Bow as I prayed.  It seemed she was telling me it was going to be ok and their place was secured in Heaven.  Then, a big beautiful orange butterfly landed on my shoulder. I knew whatever God's plan was, it was going to be ok.

Most things in life, I think, have stages.  Everything is a process.  As people, we have stages of life as well.  They are somewhat different than butterflies, obviously, as our bodies are more complex.  However, I believe our spirit may go through stages very similar to that of a butterfly.  I wonder what stage I am in at this point in my life?  Fortunately, unlike a butterfly, our spirits' stages can waver back and forth, always with a possibility of emerging into beautiful butterflies that can take flight. That is what God wants for us.

Lord, thank you for the beauty in nature that you have given us.  It is awesome that not only can we be amazed, we can also learn lessons from them.  Only Your design could be so perfect.  Thank you for the gift of being able to see it and be amazed by it.  Help me to see your goodness in others, even when it is difficult to do so.  Please help guide me through the stages here on this earth....until I become a beautiful "butterfly" with you in Heaven.   

Blessed

I am feeling very blessed!  I can feel God working in my life in a way I have not recognized for some time. Blessing have been there, but I have not always recognized or acknowledged them. 

This morning I was able to greet a newborn baby into the world surrounded by some very special people.  It is amazing to me to see God's handiwork in action.  He has made us all unique with a watchful eye.  There is nothing more amazing than a new baby except for the One that created us.  It will be fun to watch her change and grow and see the changes she brings to her new family.  What a blessing!

I have been told recently that I am a good listener.  As odd as it may seem, a repair guy came to my business this week to work on equipment.  He chatted it up with me while he worked.  When he was finished, he said he had enjoyed the time, appreciated how I actually listened to him and there would be no cost for the work he had done.  Given the financial strains I am currently facing, this was a blessing!

I have been having some struggles in my world recently and today my FRIEND validated my feelings and worth as a child of God, however crazy I may feel.  As she actually said the words, "Well, I'm validating you right now", I felt weight lifted off my shoulders. She listened to me, prays for me and holds me accountable for my actions.  How can things not be turning around in my life with God in my court this way?  He has placed a special person in my secluded little world that has enlightened me in immeasurable ways!  For that I give thanks and glory!

Lord, thank you for blessing me in so many ways everyday.  I need to remember to be still and pay attention to the goodness you bring to my life.  Please bless the people in my life that bring happiness, peace and wisdom my way.  Help me to be a friend in return. I will continue to strive to be your servant and live according to Your will. 

Whatsoever You Do

As a kid, parents are always giving us words of wisdom.  My mother would send us out the door to catch the school bus reminding us "whatsoever you do....". 

In church, we would frequently sing the song, Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, you do unto Me.  This was my mother's daily reminder for us to be nice to others, because what you do to others, you are doing to God.  

We would often roll our eyes at her and say "sure Mom, got it".  But we did get what she was talking about and often could 'hear' her say it throughout the day.  I had attended Catholic school for 4 1/2 years and weekly Mass all my life.  The concept was anything but foriegn to me.

We lived in the country and visitors were relatively infrequent.  One summer day, my brother and I were playing outside when we saw a stranger walking down our old dusty road towards our home.  We watched with a curiosity of who this person could be.  We were five miles from town and three miles from paved roads.  People walking there was rare.

As he approached, my brother and I ran inside to tell mom there was a "stranger" coming.  She laughed at us as we ran out to greet him.  He greeted us with a kind smile and didn't speak much. This unknown man had olive skin, blue eyes and shoulder length hair.  He was very hot from his walk and appeared to be hungry.  We talked to him a minute and offered to fix him something to eat.

As we went in the house to see what we could round up, we joked that he looked like Jesus.  He patiently waited outside while we went and made him a couple of sandwiches, chips and drinks.  We had little and mom stretched a dollar as far as she could.  We were allowed one soft drink per day, typically a Shasta.  I suggested we should give him one.  Mom asked if I was willing to give up mine for the day so that this man could have it.  After a little hesitation, I said sure!  And packed another for him,  giving mine up for the next day as well. 

We returned to the resting man and gave him the food.  He was most appreciative and with a gentle smile and sparkling eyes said thank you and went on his way.  Feeling pretty good about what we had done, we were still curious about where this man came from and where his journey would take him.  We climbed atop a grain bin to observe.

It seemed he went a short distance down the road and disappeared!  We looked in every direction and scoped out every avenue we thought possible.  We never located him or an abandoned vehicle.  He seemed to just vanish!

We were in amazement and really felt like we had fed Jesus. 

I became a firm believer that God is everywhere and within everyone.  I continue to believe we are all children of God and that whatsoever we do, we do unto Him. 

In my search for finding me...one thing I am certain of, is I am a giver.  A person of service to others.  Sometimes, people have pointed out that I may give too much, like, to a fault.  It may be that I have neglected to nurture and  love myself, forgetting sometimes that I TOO AM A CHILD OF GOD. 

Lord, please continue to help me see You in others and treat them as You have taught us.  Also, please help me find a balance of taking care of myself as well.  So that others may see You in me... 
 

New to me

Ok.  So, I'm new to the world of blogging.  I have recently begun a journey of self discovery and thought this might be a good outlet for expression.  I have gotten lost somewhere along the way and am attempting to find myself.  I am in my early 40's and figure it's time to discover who I really am.  I know I am a child of God, I also know I'm a little crazy...hence the name Crazy Child of God.  I will be posting some of my thoughts, struggles and successes here along the way.